kursy angielskiego Goleniów
Michał A. Nowakowski

Opublikowano:  21 lutego 2016
Zaktualizowano: 21 lutego 2016
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Language jokes

English language jokes, czyli angielskie dowcipy językowe. Poczytaj i pośmiej się, bez względu na to czy jesteś uczniem czy nauczycielem angielskiego.
Dobry żart tynfa wart. A dzisiaj przedstawiamy “language jokes”,czyli dowcipy o języku (angielskim).

Wszystkie dowcipy pochodzą ze strony The Internet TESL Journal, stanowiącej świetne źródło inspiracji, gier i zasobów dla nauczycieli języka angielskiego. Poniższe dowcipy zostały przesłane przez nauczycieli języka angielskiego z całego świata.

Language jokes

An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. He hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since the Englishman was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. They were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and said, “Mira el mosca!” The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity, replied, “No, senor, ‘la mosca’… es feminina.”

The Englishman looked at him, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens… you must have incredibly good eyesight.”

Q: A man goes into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun, and points it at the customer. “Thank you” replies the customer and walks out. What happened?
A: The customer had hiccups.
Q: What has many keys but can’t open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: What has 6 eyes but can’t see?
A: 3 blind mice.
Q: Who earns money driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
The teacher speaking to a student said, “Saud, name two pronouns.”
Saud who suddenly woke up, said, “Who, me?”
Teacher: Today, we’re going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,” which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
Q: What is orange and sounds like parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can’t jump!
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.(No-eye deer)
ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence “I is …”.
Clever student: Please sir, what’s wrong with “I is a vowel”.
English Teacher: “Johnny, the clock on the wall is not working, but you have a watch. What time is it?”
Johnny: “2 o’watch.”
A young man comes before a customs agent.
A: “State your citizenship.”
B:”American” (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: “Hold on there, buddy. Say that again.”
B: “I sed American.”
A: “I’m going to give you a test.”
B: “No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I”m American.”
A: “Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let’s see, … I’ve got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow.”
B: “Oh senor, I tell you I’m American. But OK, let’s see… I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went ‘green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!”
My student who did not speak much English wanted to impress me one day. She had to walk past me while I was talking to someone. She said, “Excuse me, can I pass away?”
Student to teacher,” Are ‘pants’ singular or plural?”
Teacher, “They’re singular on top and plural on the bottom.”
A student, who is studying English as a foreign language, was confused when he saw the words “open here” on a box of laundry soap, so he asks the clerk, “Can’t I wait until I get home to open it?”

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