An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. He hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since the Englishman was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. They were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and said, “Mira el mosca!” The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity, replied, “No, senor, ‘la mosca’… es feminina.”

The Englishman looked at him, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens… you must have incredibly good eyesight.”

Q: What has many keys but can’t open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: What has 6 eyes but can’t see?
A: 3 blind mice.
Q: Who earns money driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.

Teacher: Today, we’re going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,” which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can’t jump!

ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence “I is …”.
Clever student: Please sir, what’s wrong with “I is a vowel”.

A young man comes before a customs agent.
A: “State your citizenship.”
B:”American” (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: “Hold on there, buddy. Say that again.”
B: “I sed American.”
A: “I’m going to give you a test.”
B: “No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I”m American.”
A: “Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let’s see, … I’ve got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow.”
B: “Oh senor, I tell you I’m American. But OK, let’s see… I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went ‘green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!”

Student to teacher,” Are ‘pants’ singular or plural?”
Teacher, “They’re singular on top and plural on the bottom.”